Dancing Through Diagnosis: Navigating Breast Cancer, the good, bad, and surprisingly funny

Well, here we are!  About to embark on another journey together. I hope you have put your seatbelts on tight because this ride has lots of twists and turns and you don’t want to fall out of your seat!

Let’s start here…Let me ask you, do you keep a journal?  Do you talk to yourself?  I think I talk to myself a lot more than I talk to people. And it is not all good talk either.  In fact, I am clear the biggest asshole in my life to me is me.  Can you relate?

I mean seriously, think about it for a minute.  Humans are one of the most interesting creatures on this planet.  Most of us are programmed from early in life that anything upsetting or tragic is bad or wrong.  Anything that brings us great joy in life must be good and right.  So, when we disappoint ourselves in any way we call ourselves all sorts of names to ourselves.  And not the good names like “You are amazing! You are badass!” Oh no, it sounds more like “You loser!  What a doorknob you are!”

I have spent many years and many journals (if you want to call the pile of unorganized books that I write in journals) talking to and being nasty with myself, only to discover that all the nastiness I spilled across the page and in between my ears about me was and is inaccurate.

It took a cancer diagnosis to wake me up from the internal negative slumber I had been in.  I had always heard, thoughts become things.  Sure, but I was thinking more like if I said them out loud then we would have a problem.  It didn’t occur to me that if I was constantly whispering them to myself that they would manifest into anything!

I think we as humans, are always our hardest critic.  We judge ourselves or maybe you are the blamer type and judge others but not yourself.  You blame everyone and everything in your life for how your life is turning out.  Please don’t blame me (although I know you will) but I can tell you now that your life is yours and you get to say how it goes no matter what may present itself.

I knew when I was diagnosed with cancer that even though my asshole brain was trying to tell me that I messed up my life and now I was going to die as the ultimate punishment, I had a choice.

I began talking to myself out loud more than in between my ears. I began telling myself that I was bigger than the circumstances before me. I began to scream the “YOU ARE AMAZING!! YOU ARE BADASS!!” and began the work to silence any other comments that did not serve me.

The truth is, up to this cancer diagnosis, I have lived a full and awesome life. I am the one that caused it. I don’t settle for things. I go after them. I set my mind to something and watch out! I may be super disorganized most of the time but somehow, I can pull it all together and write a freaking book. I will take that as a win!

I knew if I was going to have to face a life altering diagnosis that I was going to have it make a difference for myself and for others.  I knew that my life has always been meant to give back to others.  Up until now, I just hadn’t seen the biggest picture of them all.

So, you lucky readers! I am going get really intimate with you and lay it all out on the table.  Growing up, things I have done I am proud of, things I have done I am not so proud of but share what I learned from it.. The good, bad and surprisingly funny parts of this thing called life!  See, I truly believe everything in life comes with a silver lining if you are willing to go on the quest to discover it. 

Life, to me, isn’t about making sure everyone thinks you’re perfect.  Life is about showing our imperfections and allowing others to see themselves inside of those imperfections.  Let’s be real with one another.  No judgement. Just a whole lot of truth or dare!

Are you ready?  (as I bite my nails and get naked! Ooh lala!)

Let’s go!