Tag: not apologizing
This Girl is on Fire!

This Girl is on Fire!

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This GIRL IS ON FIRE! This girl is on fireeee…

I recently saw my great niece at six years old stand up on stage and belt out this song in one of the most powerful voices I have ever heard for a six-year-old.  She shocked me to the point I sat there in tears listening to this beautiful young girl giving it her all and I was so moved.  She was a girl on FIRE and the flames were burning up that stage with her awesomeness!

The funny part was the next day when my post menopause hot flashes came on, all I could hear was her singing THIS GIRL IS ON FIREEEE, THIS IS GIRL ON FIREEEEE and you know what…I was! I was burning up from the inside out and now that song had a whole new meaning for me.

The intensity of a hot flash can be like someone lit a match under your skin and as the flames begin to grow, so does your internal heat to the point you feel like you may self combust. It is intense and I apologize to every woman who tried to warn me about this as I would say “Oh, I will love it! I love the heat!”  Nope! I DO NOT love this! It is a raging inferno that turns on and off like a water tap!

So, what is a hot flash and why do we get them at a certain point in our lives?

I am so glad you asked! Let me explain…a hot flash is a sudden onset of intense heat.  This is your bodies way of telling you that your hormones are going on a vacation and may not be coming back!

The heat is just one part of it though. The hot flash is often joined by a flushed or red face and your eyeballs may feel like they are sweating…not crying…SWEATING! In fact, your whole body may feel like it is sweating, and your heart may begin beating as if you just completed a marathon.  Because your body is being so dramatic, afterwards it doesn’t know what to do so you may experience chills.  I am the lucky benefactor of ALL these symptoms, so I promise you I am speaking from experience.  Which may make all that I wrote here a bit scarier.  Sorry about that but you deserve the truth! Warts and all!

Let’s move on to WHY on earth we have them.

 Hot flashes commonly occur because of hormonal changes. Particularly caused by a drop in estrogen.  There are three stages in life that this can happen for women:

  1. Perimenopause (which is the time in life where you may feel your emotions are going crazy and something is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you, but I get it!)
  2. Menopause (which means you have gone without a period for 12 months…which in my opinion is not a bad thing!)
  3. Post-menopause (which is still no period and you’re still dealing with the aftermath of the first two I mentioned)

When estrogen in our bodies decide to take that long vacation to sunny Aruba, our body’s thermostat notices that something is missing.  When the brain makes the connection that Estrogen is gone (or not totally gone but wants to leave) it screams out to the rest of the body “Hey! Did somebody turn the heat up? Where did Estrogen go?” This then confuses the body because it doesn’t remember doing that but will take the cue and turn on the cooling system which includes sweating, dilating blood vessels and then triggering a full-body heat wave because like my grandpa always told me…” On a hot day, drink something hot and you will cool down.”  I never understood this logic, but it always worked!

FUN FACT: When I got breast cancer at 44 years old, I was just at the cusp of starting my perimenopause era.  Because my cancer is estrogen driven the oncologist needed to put me on a drug to drastically lower my bodies estrogen immediately.  This meant that I went from “Oh, I am sweaty and a little emotional today…hmmm” to “DEAR LORD what new hell of fire and fury have I walked into?! I AM BURNING UP and I think it’s best if you just walk away!!”

The joys of hot flashes are very few.  The only time they have come in handy for me was when I was outside in a good Canadian winter and was cold.  The sudden onset of the hot flash was appreciated in the moment but then the after chills wrecked the whole experience.

The other good thing about all of this and I am always looking for the good, in my opinion, is when the period stops.  I appreciate not having to count the days until my cycle starts or needing to carry supplies on me all the time or being worried about wearing white pants.  Actually, I still worry about wearing white pants but that is because I am a spiller and those pants most likely will not be white by the end of the day no matter what my cycle does. A glass of red wine or an ice cream cone can make just as much mess I have learned.

OOH! And another fun fact ladies, MEN can get hot flashes too! It is usually due to a medical treatment they are receiving that affects their testosterone levels like for prostate cancer. (NOT fun and in no way am I celebrating they must go through that. I share this with you though so that we don’t assume it’s only us ladies that get to experience the “joy” of a hot flash!)

There you have it, this is what it is and why we get them! Not necessarily enjoyable but simple right?!

In my next blog, I will share with you what can trigger the hot flash and what you can do to cool down besides jumping in a snowbank or an ice bath!

Stay tuned because THIS GIRL IS ON FIREEEEEE!

 
That ONE Thing

That ONE Thing

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Well, here we are… another month of 2025 nearly in the rearview. I blinked and somehow we skipped half the year. As I write this, it’s a Monday morning and finally the sun is out after what felt like three weeks of straight  gloom.

I’m someone who’s very affected by the weather. On grey days, I basically morph into a blanket-wrapped gremlin with brain fog, a hint of nausea, and the motivation of a potato. I clean a lot. (Don’t ask why.  I am thinking it’s my coping mechanism.) But the second the sun shows up? I’m ready to Zumba through the day. Picture me, The Sound of Music-style, arms outstretched, sprinting up a hill, trying to hug the sun. Yes, my imagination is dramatic and most times plays out in a musical format.

Today the sun is shining, I feel like writing, and suddenly, everything feels possible. Winning energy is everywhere. Well, almost everywhere except for the Dallas Stars. GO OILERS! (Had to say it!)

But here’s the real kicker: it’s wild how one simple thing, like the weather, can completely shift how you feel, think, and move through your day. That one thing can really be anything: a diagnosis, a job loss, a text message, finding out you’re pregnant, or even running into someone you didn’t expect to see at the grocery store (while wearing Crocs and yesterday’s mascara). Whatever it is, it has the power to spiral us into joy, panic, grief, laughter. Sometimes all at once which really makes us look sane right?!

But how you respond to that one thing doesn’t make you better or worse than anyone else. It makes you human.

Let’s be real… life didn’t come with a manual or mathematical formula. There’s no equation that says, “If you just do this, everything will turn out perfect.” Unless I missed that class in high school which, to be fair, is totally possible.  Pam, if you are reading this, you know right now we are riding around in your car listening to the Cranberries and buying snackwiches at KFC!  See, completely possible I, nor Pam, was in math class that day. But I digress.

The point is, life just happens. In the form of weather, friends, family drama, pop quizzes, job loss, medical news. You name it. That is life! And our interpretation of those events becomes the lens through which we survive. For me, it was cancer that flipped everything upside down. Suddenly, all the little things I used to stress about? Poof! They all became background noise. The stuff that truly mattered finally took center stage.

But what about when everything feels like the big thing?

Excellent question, Tammy. Thanks for asking.

The answer? It’s all about perspective. What’s massive to me might not register on your radar. And what feels like a blip to me could be someone else’s mountain. That’s where the most important life lesson of all comes in. Are you ready for it?

BE KIND TO EVERYONE.

Because everyone’s going through something. Everyone has their “one thing.” Maybe just today, maybe this year, maybe for the past decade. We’re all navigating our own stuff, doing our best, and sometimes just holding it together with sheer willpower, humor and a dash of crazy behaviour.

So whether the sun’s out or hiding, whether you’re dancing on a hill or curled up on the couch, remember: perspective matters. Kindness matters. And you, dear reader, are doing just fine.

YOU GOT THIS! And I got you!

Let’s Talk About It

What’s your “one thing” right now? How do you shift your perspective when the clouds roll in (literally or figuratively)? I’d love to hear your thoughts—drop a comment or send a message. Let’s remind each other that we’re not alone in the wild ride that is life.
Struggle Party of One: Why I’m Done Apologizing for Being Human

Struggle Party of One: Why I’m Done Apologizing for Being Human

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Ya know what? I am not sorry for how I’ve lived my life. There! I said it!

Let’s get that out of the way early. I’m done sugarcoating it. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve misread the room. I’ve said the wrong thing, at the wrong time, with the wrong tone more than once. Then stood in the echo chamber of my own mind, torturing myself with the replay.  Ugh…Have  you ever done this?  But here’s the thing: I own it. I clean it up. I do the work.

So why do I still stress in the background about what other people think?

I’ve been chewing on this for a while (and by “chewing,” I mean gnawing on it like it’s the last piece of beef jerky on a deserted island). And all I’ve really come up with is I’m human. It’s what we do. Or at least, it’s what I do.  It seems almost too simple.

Maybe this isn’t your thing. Maybe you don’t spiral after conflict or stew in a stew of second-guessing. Maybe your flavor of internal chaos looks more like hiding out, imposter syndrome, people-pleasing, or perfectionism. I don’t know your exact brand of self-sabotage but I’m willing to bet you’ve got something too!

But back to me for a second, shall we…

I genuinely try to live my life as a decent human being. I aim to help others, to lift people up, to be kind. I don’t always get it right. When I screw up and I will tell you right now that I for sure do…I take full responsibility. I acknowledge it. I apologize when necessary. I check in with whoever was affected and ask, “What can I do to make this right?”

Sounds healthy, right?  Should be done and over with!

But here’s the twist: I still beat myself up about it. I wear it. I wear my guilt and shame like a brand-new pair of stiff shoes. You can see them, they don’t fit right, and they make me walk funny. They blister my toes and heels. They slow me down. And yet, I keep putting them on. A glutton for punishment, I guess!

That’s when it hit me: I’ve internalized the idea that doing something wrong = being wrong. And even when I’ve made amends, some part of me latches onto the belief that I’m not a good person. It’s like this weird addiction to guilt.

“Hey, you messed up! Let’s hold onto that forever! It will be fun!”  NOT!!!

Why is that?

Because there’s a part of me that needs proof that I’m flawed, that I’m not enough, that I should stay small and quiet and not take up too much space. I can see that I have lived with this my entire life! And what better proof than a mistake I’ve already cleaned up but can still punish myself for?  Welcome to the Struggle Party—table for one.

And here’s where it gets serious: all this internalizing? This energy-sapping shame spiral? It doesn’t just stay in my mind. It shows up in my body. It morphs into stress, inflammation, and disease. I’m not just speaking metaphorically. I’m speaking from experience. Chronic guilt wears down the body like it wears down the soul.

The truth is we are made up of energy. Every thought, every feeling, every moment we give away to regret or fear, it takes a toll. And when I give my energy over to the past or to someone else’s opinion, I’m draining the reserves I need to be well, to heal, to thrive.

So, here’s the hard truth: knowing all this, hasn’t magically stopped me from doing it. But here’s the shift I see now. I name it when it’s happening. I can call out the voice in my head that says, “You’re bad” and respond with, “No, I’m just human. And I’m still growing.”  And doing that repeatedly because sometimes I don’t hear myself the first time.

Also, this isn’t a story about having it all figured out. It’s a story about catching myself mid-shame-spiral and saying, not today Tammy. It’s about reclaiming my energy, one messy moment at a time. And it’s about choosing to believe on the good days and the garbage days that I don’t need to apologize for being human.

So yeah, I’m not sorry. Not anymore.
And maybe, just maybe, you don’t need to be either.

Much love,

Tammy

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Dancing Through Diagnosis Tammy Gunn Breast Cancer Survivor Memoir